The world is an awesome place because I believe it.
There is abundance everywhere because I believe it.
I am the shit because I believe it.
I can do anything because I believe it.
I have voices in my head telling me this stuff all the time and I accept those voices but it wasn’t always this way.
The truth is for most of my life I had the worst anxiety and lowest self-esteem imaginable and was even suicidal when I was a teen. I was at the mercy of numerous negative influences from people I went to church with to my own friends and parents. I sought help to deal with trauma I had experienced in my life and the social worker I saw had me write down what the voices inside my head were telling me, you know, the voices that tell you…
You’re not good enough
This leads right into…
4 STEPS TO FIXING YOUR SELF ESTEEM FOREVER!
1. INNER GAME
No, this isn’t some PUA bullshit post, inner game is controlling the narrative that plays out in your head, day in and day out. Ask: “What do I constantly tell myself?” and “Do I want what believing this voice inside my head will get me?”
If you don’t like the answers to these questions you MUST change the narrative but you have to know what that narrative is.
Take the time to write down your thoughts when your having a “down” sort of day and you’ll be surprised at the things you constantly tell yourself:
why did I do that
i cant believe i did that
im so worthless
im so lonely
im no good
Thats some pretty negative self talk there and we can see that the narrative is all negative very general and non-specific and entirely unbeneficial. But what if we changed it to…
That didn’t go my way but I’ll get it next time
oh well life goes on
People love me
I’m still great at XXXX
people will forget about that in minutes
my mindset is bulletproof this has no effect on me
The key here is recognizing the enemy and then counter-attacking with a narrative of the things you want to feel and be.
2. Outer Game
If you want to feel the part, dress the part. We wear costumes called clothes everyday of our lives and we play out characters in those costumes.
When I put military fatigues I look and feel like im in the military and subconsciously act the part, if I look like a player I’ll act the part. It has very little to do with how people see you versus HOW “YOU” SEE YOU!
Do this: get a pair of khaki pants, a nice polo shirt, and cognac Ferro Aldo shoes and pay attention to how you feel wearing that costume versus wearing a band shirt, ripped jeans, looking like a scene kid. Once when self-talk is established and your inner game is tight, the outer game only serves to reinforce what you already know:
That you are the motherfucking shit
You don’t want validation to start out with, never rely on other people to help fix your poor self-esteem, that’s parasitic behavior.
Validation will come from others when you have validated yourself, “I am enough…I am good enough”. Validation is the reward given to the victor after he has overcome his greatest advesary: himself. The cool thing about validation is that you can use the good things people say about you to further solidify your new-found self-image. Testimonials are a great way to sell products and an even better way to shield yourself from negative people and haters. Validation is the consequence of improved self-esteem, if your inner game and outer game is tight you wont care as much about validation and will see it as icing on the cake.
4. Priming the pump
Seek out positive people and positive things that will boost how you feel about yourself. Hang out with people you like and tell the others to get lost. Since you’ve gotten this far, its good to read and listen to inspirational book and audio books, stop wasting time listening to the radio and load yourself with positive messages.
Remember that your mind is a membrane and it will take in EVERYTHING in your enviroment good and bad
You don’t get what you deserve, you get what you THINK you deserve. Your outlook on life is based on what you put and allow to go into your brain. Just remember: “You are good enough” and “You are enough”.